Today is the 6th October 2007 . October . . . sign, it's just so damn fast . Well, i've just made a crucial decision i thought . I couldn't stand it anymore . There's just so many things going on that i have to get it done and my brain have been seriously working hard and so hard that i am so confused . I shall say that even if you give me plenty of time now, i would take about a day to sort out my feelings and get things into order . I failed my Economics paper, got 70/100 for PACC and i got a GPA of 3.0 . To some, it might be good already, but somehow or another i just felt that i'm such a failure . I don't know, i have no idea why i think this way . Maybe because i'm the lowest among the group .

About the crucial decision . . . it's because, okay, i have a problem phrasing this . It's just that . . from the day i said it to him, i no longer treat him as a friend alone . He's someone whom, i want to be with, but when i see him on the streets, i feel so awkward that i wish there's some place for me to hide . To him it may be some small case and we're friends as usual, but stand in my shoes, know my character, understand my personality, it's not as easy as you think it is for me . When we haven't talk for weeks or even months, when i felt better, when i told myself to give up and just when i really was about to get him off my stupid brain . . . he came and talked to me, asked me how am i, how's life and those things . I don't know and i don't understand . Is he trying to maintain our friendship like this ? What ever it is, it just sort of recall all the things automatically in my stupid brain . I hate it like this, not blaming him, but why ? No use talking so much trash . I've blocked him in MSN and i shall refuse to speak/talk/meet or whatsoever about him . I just hope i could get him erased off me . I really hope i can . It's taking up space in my stupid brain . ='(

Slept at 4am last night and i woke up at 10am . Don't know why, i have a problem getting myself to sleep these days . I used to sleep very quickly after i lay myself in bed but now, it takes more than 5 minutes . My family would know it clear .

I wish i could go on a holiday and be free . Things are just coming up to me like no one's business . How i wish i can really quit school . =/ . Because if i really do, 75% of my problem will be gone .

H . E . L . P . M . E . P . L . E . A . S . E ! !